There is a spider in the shed that is almost as big as my head. I am not impressed by this.
It's so big that I've got these horrible images of me going in there to feed the ferrets and it leaping off the window and attaching itself to my face, before implanting an alien in my chest that will burst out unannounced the next time I'm eating with friends; hide behind some shelves for a bit, whilst growing to a height of approximately eight feet; then slowly pick my friends off, one at a time – some it will kill and others it will take back to its queen to face a fate of bondage and more giant spiders – with its huge claws and lightning fast inner jaw. And, if anyone tries to attack it, it'll bleed everywhere and burn holes in the carpet.
I'd hate that.
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