- 1. Dental Hygiene:
- Nice old people often have teeth missing.
- Evil people have foul breath.
Analysis:
- Good people always have good dental hygiene. Missing teeth are endearing. They come about purely as a result of fair-wear-and-tear and do not stem from a lack of hygiene.
- Bad people revel in eating smelly foods and mistreating their teeth. If they have any missing, it is for these reasons.
- 2. Baldness:
- Old men who are friends of the novel's hero(s) are usually bald.
- Villainous men always have lank, greasy and dandruff-ridden hair.
Analysis:
- Only those who are pure of heart must suffer the torment that is Male Pattern Baldness.
- Bad people will use their ample – yet infuriatingly unkempt – hair as just another thing with which to torment you.
- 3. Ghost Detecting - Weather:
- If a house is haunted, a swing will always move, even when there is no wind.
Analysis:
- Why spend money on an expensive ghost detecting kit? Simply construct an outdoor play area and wait for a nice day.
- 4. Witnessing Paranormal Activity:
- For anything supernatural to happen in a place, at least one person who does not believe in ghosts must be present.
Analysis:
- Go into that murder house, expect a barrage of bad stuff and later leave disappointingly unharmed.
- 5. Children:
- Children are not afraid of ghosts that talk to them.
Analysis:
- It doesn't matter how scary you are, or how long you've been dead – striking up conversations with small children is a fantastic way to rekindle your social life.
A prize goes to anyone who can actually name the book I'm currently reading.
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