An Important Milestone Indeed

I am aware that Hasbro — a manufacturer of many fine children's games and toys, in my opinion — have a gimmick involving making simplified versions of some of their classic games, in order (I presume) to make them more accessible for younger children.

The simple clue to the identify of these games, is the addition of the words My and First at the beginning of the title.

Fair enough.

I am left wondering, however, just how much they thought this approach through when they came up with this:

My First Operation: lucky, lucky me.

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The Power Of Christ Dispels You

Astigmatic:

Someone who experiences a visual defect in which the unequal curvature of one or more refractive surfaces of the eye – usually the cornea – prevents light rays from focusing clearly at one point on the retina, resulting in blurred vision.

A stigmatic:

Someone who experiences bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus.

I really must stop getting those two confused.

It's a good job I don't work as an optician; I could end up really giving somebody a bit of a fright with my diagnosis of their condition.

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For Shame ! ! !

For shame, indeed!

I've made a horrific discovery today.

I discovered that somebody I know very well – somebody I was so certain knew better – has been guilty of a heinous crime.

Yes, they've been using more than one exclamation mark at a time.

Now, many people who know me are already aware that I have an intense dislike of this particular method of punctuation, even when it's being used properly; but to discover this sort of abuse going on right under my nose has been an especially distressing time for me.

If ever there was a punctuational equivalent of adding "Am I right, folks? Am I right? Huh? Huh?" to the end of a bad joke or unwitty remark, it is the compound use of more than one exclamation mark.

Oh, the humanity!

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Word Of The Week [No. 1]

Mandibles

Top word, that.

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Good (Word) Show!

I'll shall now be adding cadaver to my list of top words.

I think I like it because it reminds me of the word cad, which in turn makes me think of moustached Terry-Thomasesque characters.

In fact, it gives me fantastic images of well-dressed plummy zombies sporting military moustaches and ambling around in dressing gowns, smoking jackets and/or leather flying helmets, giving their victims broad gap-toothed smiles right before eating their brains.

Now, I think that would be a jolly good show.

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"Yes, I'm Getting Flavours Of Burnt Cucumber And Octopus, And Just A Hint Of Tyre Fire…"

We went to a wine tasting this evening. It was very silly.

I never actually worked out quite what we were supposed to do with it, but we were given a big list of descriptions to – I can really only assume – help us report back on each wine (which a representative from each table had to do). It included things like cat's pee, wet cardboard, dry cardboard, petrol, mould and pencil shavings.

Now, I wouldn't have the first idea what most of those smell like – and I certainly have no idea whatsoever what any of them taste like – so, I'm still a little confused about what was going on.

And, ironically, I thought that one of the wines smelt like Harpic and tasted like soap, whilst another one tasted like Germalene – and none of those delights of the senses were on my all-knowing wonderlist of comparisons.

Jilly Goolden, watch out – there's a new kid in town.

Or possibly not.

Wine gives me migraine, anyway.

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A Fruit AND A Nut?

Now, I can see why food companies might think it a good idea to market their healthier foods by drawing attention to the benefits of a better diet, but I do question somebody's decision to plaster a huge You Are What You Eat slogan across a packet of Fruit and Nut Mix.

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Carnosaur 2. Oh, Yes.

I've just found a great-sounding film starting on the telly.

The blurb?

"A repair team races against time to control radiation leaks while simultaneously avoiding a horde of dinosaurs."

Fantastic.

This sounds like it could be almost as good as The Sound of Horror.

Do not think for one moment, however, that I am going to sit and watch it, then report back later – I'm still feeling the sting of Snakes on a Train and I think I've reached my bad movie quota for a good few weeks.

And, also, do not be deluded into thinking that I've got something more to say on the matter, because I'm really feeling quite terse today; as I shall demonstrate in more detail imminently.

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Official Declaration

I hate the word succulent.

You just can't say it without sounding like a pretentious twerp.

Fortunately, I'm not saying it: I'm only putting it into a blog.

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I'm Really Tired Today

I've decided that dongle is now officially one of my favourite words.

I'm quite sure that this and the fact that I am tired are mutually exclusive.

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