You'll Like This; Not A Lot, But You'll Like It

I met an interesting man today.

I was driving to Bath to visit some friends, and I stopped off at some motorway services, fancying a coffee.

It turns out that – randomly – WHSmith's now have a cappuccino/latte/espresso machine. It's self-service, so you get an empty cup and operate the machine yourself. Then you take the finished drink to the till.

Well, I pressed the buttons, watched the froth ooze out, added some sugar, and finally popped a plastic lid on the resulting concoction. Then I went to pay for it, and the guy behind the till rang up latte without even asking me.

I asked him how he knew what drink I had, and he informed me that he was "magical in ways I will never understand".

Just how do you possibly respond to that?

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Bloody Silly Woman

"When I need to rummage around and find something in my handbag, what I like to do is stand right in front of important doorways, so that nobody can get through."

Okay, so perhaps that wasn't quite what she was thinking this afternoon, but I'm sure I'm pretty close.

Possibly she was also thinking that doing all of this whilst wearing a bizarre pink trouser suit would somehow enable her to do this with a little more finesse.

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You know, I spent over six hours on the road over the weekend during my little excursion to Liverpool, and I swear that nobody tailgated me until the final stretch of the M1 on my journey home.

Technically, there was some woman in a white hatchback who was right up my arse on the M6, whilst chatting on her mobile, but, even then, I was over halfway home by that time.

Can it be that people are better drivers the further north you go?

Perhaps I should move. It might do my blood pressure some good.

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Adventures Up The M6

I'm off adventuring today. I'm going to Liverpool.

I've never been there before.

I've already got my directions sorted out, but I've got the horrible dilemma of should I pay £4 to use the toll road, or risk alleged roadworks?

Not dreadfully interesting, I'll grant you. But it's what I'm thinking about this morning, so "ner ner ner-ner ner".

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Castle (Mis)Adventure

Over an hour in the car to find a castle that we'd seen on t'Internet, to find out that there's no public admittance.

Private, eh? That's a great idea.

I've decided that one day I too shall have my own castle. With a drawbridge, portcullis and everything. And a pirhana-filled moat…

Although, I bet that nasty man from Everest will still turn up and try to sell us double glazing.

Anyway, so no castle-viewing today, but the tale does still have a happy end: we stopped at a tiny petrol station and got a dangerously overpriced packet of crisps before coming home again. Rock on!

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